Gent: Look what's on my finger!
Me: Do I have to? What is it?
(Can you see what's coming?)
Gent: Moooom! Look! It's a booger!
(My kids are so gross.)
Older gent (5): Thanks for being my brother.
Middle gent (3): You're welcome.
Lovely young lady: Mom, my ear hurts.
Me: Oooh. That looks really red. Which earrings have you been wearing? Hmm, let's get out the gold earrings and I'll clean your ears for you. You can wear the gold ones for a while until this heals.
(Cleaning and trying to put the earring through the hole.)
Me: I'm having a really hard time getting this earring through the front, but I can get it to go through if I start at the back. Let's just put it in backward for a bit.
LL (shrieks): Mooooooooom! We can't put the earring in backward!!!
Me, misunderstanding the problem because I have an ounce of common sense: Sure we can. Look, it goes just fine.
LL: Oh no!! I look hideous!!
Me: Oh for heaven's sake. You look lovely. Besides no one will see you.
LL: But MOM! I'm going to do the yoga video! I can't do yoga looking like this!
(Can you hear me rolling my eyes? No, Mom, they didn't get stuck that way, sheesh!)
Young gents, squealing in harmony: Listen Mom! We can go really high! (Squeeeaaaaal!)
Me: (groan) Uh, yeah...not liking that so much. Look guys, I have an earache. When you squeal like that, my ears want to jump off of my head and hop away down the street.
Gent (3): Nooooooooooooo! Moooom, ears can't jump off our head!
Gent(5): You mean like this? Squeeaaaaall!
Fine young gent (6 because he had a birthday): Happy Birthday, Mom!
Loving Husband: Are you going to tell the kids how old you are? Or is it a secret?
Fine, fine young gent: Mom, you were 17 yesterday, right?
Me, to gent: Oooo, does that mean that I'm 18 today?
Very very fine young gent: Yup! You're 18 today!
Me: Man, you're my new favorite kid!
(Which begs the question: Who was my favorite kid before? Fortunately no one asked.)
Me: How's the math going?
Lovely lady, the elder (moping): I don't get it.
Me: That's ok. I'll explain it again.
(I explain it again. Lovely lady says something along the lines of "Oh. I think I get it.")
Me, a few minutes later: Looks like you're struggling. How's it going?
LL, the E: I don't know.
Me: Well, try this. (I offer some directions. I wait for the "Aha")
LL, the E, sounding sulky (but apparently not feeling that way, as I discover after I fly off the handle): There's no point.
Me, flying off the handle: No point? Are you kidding me? Are you listening to what I am saying when I explain? The explanation I'm giving is the point of this whole concept. That is the point. If you don't listen to my explanation then....(I look at the graph she's working with.) Oh.......oh.....wait....(slowly, and a bit sheepishly) Um, do you mean that there's no point on the graph?
We both burst out laughing. Then I explain the piece she was missing. She got it and sailed through the rest of her algebra.
In my defense it was Mopy What's-the-Point Teen Week at my house. LL the E did say that she understood why I assumed she meant "pointless." Whew. But still. Sheesh, I need to get a grip.