Copywork: A Cheerful Mom

Is a picture still worth a thousand words if it's a picture of words?

This is first grade gent's copywork. Last month we had one of those days. Weeks? Enough, anyway, that I did a Google search for quotes on cheerfulness and good attitudes for this gent to copy into his composition notebook. Today's quote: "A cheerful friend is like a sunny day, which sheds its brightness on all around." (John Lubbock)

This fine middle gent is clever and mischievous, a bit of an imp. Halfway through copying the quote, he put down his pencil, erased the word "friend," and wrote "mom" in its place. Gave me that cheesy little grin and a kiss. After I took this picture and he'd finished copying, he drew hearts all over the board.

I've noticed that the opposite holds true as well, at least in our home. A grumpy mom is like a stormcloud. Why is it, I wonder, that anyone else in the family can have a bad day and the others just keep on going, but when I have a bad day, when I'm feeling grouchy, glum, grumpy it infects the entire family? Mom sets the tone for the whole day.

My fine young gent has inspired me to remember that I've never regretted kindness and that gentle words and a smile help set young feet on the right path. I'm going to print this picture and put it on my fridge to remind myself that I want to shed brightness on our days.

A Late Tuesday Ten: What's Up?

Ten Things Keeping Me Busy, or An Update of Sorts

1. Planning a choir trip.
I'm planning a three-day trip for lovely lady's choir. Phone calls, emails, faxes, meetings. Details. Shopping. Fielding phone calls from parents worried about everything from their trip account balance to the swine flu. I can't wait to go on the trip, and I can't wait until it's over.

2. Choir.
Spring choir started, upping the number of choristers in my family (and thus the number of separate rehearsals for the Mom Taxi) to four. The Spring Concert took up an entire day with rehearsals and performances. Now the concert is over, the spring choir is over, and the season is winding down.

3. Karate.
We signed up for a family karate class. The boys and loving husband and I attend together. it's a blast, and well worth the time spent, but it takes up two mornings a week, time we really don't have to spare.

4. Swim lessons.
Fine Young Gent the Eldest has been taking swim lessons all year, with the goal of joining the swim team. Fortunately for our schedule, he loves swimming but is re-thinking the swim team idea because he also loves karate. But I bit the bullet and signed up his younger brothers for swim lessons this session. My thinking: I've got to be at the pool anyway, and if I take them now, no summer swim lessons. So I sit on my rear end on those ridged metal bleachers for 30 minutes, twice a week, reading a book. They learn to swim, I get to read. Win-win.

5. Reading.
I manage to fit it into the cracks of my life, and I still read during the boys' Quiet Time. Right now I'm reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (Barbara Kingsolver), still working on Green Housekeeping (Ellen Steinbeck) and The Art of the Commonplace (Wendell Berry), just finished Free Range Kids (Lenore Skenazy) and The Backyard Homestead (Carleen Madigan, ed.)

6. Laundry.

7. School.
Math, language, science, the works. We're studying astronomy this term. For a while we had a balloon solar system on the boys' ceiling. Second-grade gent is working on writing a novel using the NaNoWriMo Young Writers Program. Sounds a little ambitious, but he's having a blast. It sounds so...pretentious. "Yeah, my second grader is trying to write his first novel. What's yours up to?" Really, he's just having fun filling out the pages and using his creative brain to write a story just like every other normal second-grade kid. Kindergarten gent has been grousing about doing school work even though it takes him only 20-30 minutes, plus our science readings and fun activities. I told him "Suck it up buttercup."

8. Play.
Still making sure that despite my busy schedule the boys get plenty of time for the "work" of childhood: Play. Especially as spring rolls out the sunshine and flowers.

8 1/2. Thinking about the garden and getting outside while the boys play.
It's been pouring rain. They go play in it. I look out and think, "Gee, I wish I enjoyed gardening in the rain."

9. Watching American Idol.

10. Not writing on my blog.
Too busy. When things settle down there'll be more pictures, more projects, more out-of-doors.

Balance

I am driving myself crazy.

I see the value in structure, so I try to create a family routine and structure...And I see the value in flexibility and spontaneity, so I try to go with the flow.

I value music education and physical fitness, so my children are involved in choir and piano and sports...And I value downtime, time to rest and relax and play and daydream.

I value structured formal academics...And I value time spent pursuing our interests and learning what suits us in the moment.

I value exploring interests deeply and fully...And I value exposure to many different ideas, concepts, languages, experiences.

I value free spirits and light hearts and strong wills...and I value good manners and behavior.

I value school time, family time, work time, time to play with friends, time to read, time to talk, time to rest, time to daydream.

I want to devote my time to developing real friendships, to raising my children, to nurturing my marriage, to creating a comfortable home, to studying new ideas, to having new experiences and making wonderful memories.

I want it all. I want to have it all. I want to do it all.

The problem is that there simply isn't time for it all. We cannot spend hours watching the clouds, and still get in a good piano practice. It doesn't make sense to pay for scheduled activities like gymnastics and swimming and piano and choir, then take off for a week camping in the spring. A day spent playing with friends means a day of missed schoolwork. Creating a family routine that helps us measure the flow of our days is impossible if we drop everything at the spur of every moment in the name of spontaneity.

Living a thoughtful life, one in which we take responsibility for our choices and experiences, requires careful consideration not only of what we want to do, but of what we're giving up in order to do those things. In a sense this is the crux of our lives, for all of us who live a life that allows us these kinds of choices anyway. This is what life is all about. We create our lives through the choices that we make and the ways that we use our time, whether we choose to swing in the hammock or dig up the garden or go to a movie or drive to the beach.

I know we'll find the balance we need, and that once we do our lives will shift and shift and shift again. I am immensely grateful for the choices we've been given. Someday we'll miss these busy days.

Life is good.

True Story

I got an email from a dear friend: "I sent you chocolate chip cookies!" it said, but no link. It made me smile that she'd been thinking of me and was sending me virtual cookies. I meant to email her to tell her she forgot to include the link, but I got sidetracked and forgot.

Fast forward a few days. I suddenly wanted chocolate chip cookies. I didn't want to make them all by myself. I went upstairs to beg my darling daughter to make cookies with her mother. Alas, she said no, and I slouched back down the stairs.

The fine young gents had finished bedtime stories on the couch. One gent opened the front door to let in the cat...."A package!" he cried. "We got a package!"

Guess what was inside?

The cookies were shortly followed by dear friend herself. We hung out this afternoon, sipping tea. Not very exciting, but a much-needed balm to the soul. I met my dear friends for dinner this evening. (Minus one, we missed you and ate an extra dessert in your name.)

It's been a rough few weeks, particularly with my lovely lady with autism, and I needed that time more than even I knew. Chocolate chip cookies for the tummy and chocolate chip cookies for the spirit.

Life is good.

I can't think of a single thing....

I love this season. The stockings, the lights, the tree. Making cards and decorating cookies and putting together paper bag gifts for our young friends. Christmas carols. Candles and poinsettias and hot chocolate and letters to Santa.

Loving husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas. We've already had snow, and the only other thing I could think of is a new dictionary. Nothing else? he asked. Really, nothing else. I got shoes and books for my birthday, and I can't think of anything else that I want or need.

I already have everything I could want or need: Health, happiness, loving friends and family, a warm home, good food to eat. And books to read. Gifts under the tree are icing on the cake.

Life is good.

Rainy Day

Today was a grey stormy windy dreary day. The rain was bucketing down.

There was fussing and fighting, grumping and groaning. There was "Do I have to?" and "I don't want to." There was blah.

So.......




There were puddles....


...and a muddy ditch and a leaf-clogged gutter...


...and umbrellas and smiles.


And after buckets of rain, the sun came out.

There were hot baths and hot chocolate and warm pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon and stories on the couch.

Life is good.

Tuesday Ten: Countdown

Ten blog posts behind. More like twenty or thirty, but this is the Tuesday Ten. I don't have time for a Tuesday Twenty. I'd like to write about learning to pan for gold in Sumpter, I've got some great nature photos, a short blurb about a stunned dragonfly (the body was all ridge-y, and bumpy--way coooool), first days of school, nature outings, art projects.....

I'm too busy doing all this stuff to sit down and write about it.

Nine months of school, give or take. We're cruising right along into this new school year. Already we've hit our groove. We've got animal masks drying on the cabinet, nature poetry in the nature notebooks, Japanese Post-its all over the living room, a nature collection on the cabinet next to the masks. This year we seem to have hit our year-round groove too. I expect we'll be enthusiastic and immersed in projects and outings this fall. Ambitious. By the time winter really sets in, we'll delve more deeply into rigorous academics, with lots of reading and writing and snuggling on the couch in our jammies. By spring, we'll be ready for the outdoors and lots of hands-on active learning experiences.

Eight books in my to-review stack. I've read some really good books in the last couple months. But at the end of the day when it comes down to, hmmm....read? Or write about reading?.....I go watch Project Runway. (Just kidding. Sorta.)

Only Seven days in a week, twenty-four hours in each day for teaching, piano practice, laundry, cleaning, yardwork, gardening, grocery shopping, volunteer work, cooking, talking to my wonderful teens, homework, errands, playing games with the boys, reading out loud. I wish we had an extra day in the week, just once in a while.

Now I've got "Eight days a week, I Loo-ooo-ooo-ooo-oo-oo-ve you" in my head. Great. Oh well, it's better than something insipid like The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

Added a few minutes later: Well crud. Now guess what's spinning through my head.

Six things on my mind at all times. There's always something going on up there. Mostly things I need to do; the rest thoughtful, personal, spiritual, whimsical. That doesn't count any of the hundreds of things I'm forgetting. One thought enters, another must leave to make room, perhaps never to be seen again.

Five wonderful children. All unique, all precious, all maddening and beautiful and time-consuming and absolutely worth every second I can spare for love and discipline and play and conversation and hugs.

Four: The number of jobs I can handle at one time. Mom (with the attendant nurse-chauffeur-counselor-police-housekeeper-pet care-gardener side jobs), Teacher, Choir Parent, Activity Director & Behavior Manager. I gave up one of my choir volunteer positions because I didn't feel that I could do a good job on both and have time for my family. Fortunately there was a woman who actively wanted the position. But I still feel guilty.

Three things at once is about all I can manage. I've become a queen of multi-tasking. I can talk on the phone, hand out schoolwork and stir dinner all at the same time. Of course I might start telling you over the phone to carry the ten, or to add 1/2 cup of broth, or that "h" is a tall letter.....

Two hands.

And only ONE of me. Maybe I'll try to build a duplicator in the basement. I could make a chauffeur-me, a housekeeper-me, a yardwork-me, a detail-person-me....that would leave this me to do the fun stuff, like teaching and gardening and napping.

Until then, I'll muddle-scramble-revel in and through all of the lovely chaotic mess that's my life. Life is good.

Question

School. Home. Sick kids. Two involved volunteer positions. Choir and piano and girls group and swim lessons and gymnastics. Teenagers. The cats and the dog. Friend time and family time.

I'm not whining.

I am not fussing or fighting or feeling sorry for myself.

But I do have a question: What do you do when you have so much to do--when your life is so blessedly full--that it's a little (or a lot) overwhelming?

"If I wished a boy to know something about the arts and sciences, for instance, I would not pursue the common course, which is merely to send him into the neighborhood of some professor, where anything is professed and practised but the art of life;--to survey the world through a telescope or a microscope, and never with his natural eye; to study chemistry, and not learn how his bread is made, or mechanics, and not learn how it is earned; to discover new satellites to Neptune, and not detect the motes in his eyes, or to what vagabond he is satellite himself; or to be devoured by the monsters that swarm all around him, while contemplating the monsters in a drop of vinegar. Which would have advanced the most at the end of a month,--the boy who had made his own jackknife from the ore which he had dug and smelted, reading as much as would be necessary for this--or the boy who had attended the lectures on metallurgy at the Institute in the meanwhile, and had received a Rodgers penknife from his father? Which would be most likely to cut his fingers?"

From Walden, Henry David Thoreau

Choosing Joy

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Last week I was struggling to put together my thoughts on choosing joy in our lives. I wrote: "I want to write a thoughtful post about choosing joy over the blues, contentment over frustration, love over impatience. About how we can't control our emotions, but we can control our habits. About mindfully practicing joy and peace, rigorously, in order to lead a joyful and peaceful and mindful life."

Then the song lyrics kicked in. I wandered around humming Phil Collins songs for days.

In the meantime, I ran across the quote above. It seems to be intended as more of a warning to keep our thoughts right and moral. But think about it: If we choose to notice and embrace the joy and beauty in our lives, if our thoughts are loving and peaceful, then we will speak words of joy and of peace to those around us. We act in love. Embracing joy becomes a habit. Our character shines with peace and love.

Our destiny is joy.

Mindfully practice joy and peace, rigorously, in order to lead a joyful and peaceful and mindful life.

Life is good. Really really good.

Love More

Two More Random Thoughts

Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours. (Swedish proverb)

Last night I Googled something like "quotes positive thinking" and came across this little gem. It doesn't even really quite fit into my last post, but I had to stick it in anyway because it captured me. I haven't quite been able to let it go since. It's just spinning around in my head.

Hope more. Breathe more.

Love more.

That's it, isn't it? I'm not trying to get all profound and woo-woo on you, I promise. We've all got our own feelings, ideas and needs when it comes to becoming more centered, more grounded, more balanced. But "Love more." Once in a while the thoughts that you need appear unexpectedly; the message is clear.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians, 13:7-8)

Faith, hope, endurance. Love more and all good things will be yours.

Random thought #2: In non-woo-woo news, the chickens are laying eggs. More "Spring! Spring! Spring!" Poor Ethel molted in the very coldest part of December. A naked chicken is not a pretty sight. I'd have posted a picture, but...well, you wouldn't want someone posting a picture of you looking half-plucked, all bright red and pimple-y. Ethel is her fluffy feathery black-and-white self, and we got two eggs on Saturday morning which means that both chickens are laying.

Routines

I was out and about around dinner time one evening last week, I forget why. It was dark out and the lights were on in my house. As I pulled into the driveway, I could see inside: Loving husband and the elder of the lovely ladies through the kitchen window, laughing; the eldest fine young gent in the dining room wiping the table while one of his brothers put together a puzzle. It was lovely walking in to a cheerful happy home, humming with life and peace, the routine of the way we get our work done and the way we spend our evenings. A few days later, I was talking to Mom, who told me that a tip she'd read long ago in a household management book about choosing one day each week to empty the trash cans instead of waiting until they were overflowing was a real revelation at that time. Management by routine rather than management by crisis; proactive instead of reactive. Later still, during a phone conversation, a friend mentioned how much easier it can be when her children know what to expect.

Don't worry, I'm not about to go all Fly Lady on you. I'm not anti-Fly Lady, by the way. But I'm not exactly in a position to be sharing helpful thoughts on managing household chores either, as my helpful thoughts in this area run along the lines of "Find something more fun to do." But routines are important. As I've been contemplating balance and ways to find and create balance in my life, I've realized that one of the ways this family stays balanced is by creating and maintaining routines that work. Not just chore routines, although those are immmensely helpful. Life routines, the little ways we manage relationships within our family, the kinds of routines that flow from the way we live our lives, the ones that are just the way we do things. Bedtime stories to signal time to settle down, giving goodnight kisses the same way each and every night, consistent discipline and boundaries, the ways we start the day. Those routines make up the loom upon which we can weave the patterns of our days.

Life isn't static. The patterns are always changing. Part of the reason the idea of balance seems pulled to the forefront of my thoughts is because now, as always, the people in our family are changing. The juggling part comes when dynamics shift, needs change, children grow. Our baby days are over; loving husband and I are neither expecting nor caring for a baby for the first time since our honeymoon. We're parenting a just-returned-to-school teenage stepdaughter, a lovely young preteen with autism and the social and behavioral challenges which accompany her disability, an intense bright exuberant young gent who is maturing into a delightful buddy, a preschool "middle child" determined not to disappear in the crowd, and a potty-training two-year-old. When we need to accommodate new activities, different abilities, developmental growth, shifting individual and family needs, life can seem out of balance for a while.

This is the season for me to look at the routines we've created within our family: Are they still meeting our needs? What needs to change? What needs to stay the same? Which routines need our attention, and which can we allow to flourish or die away as they will? We're feeling our way along as we try to create boundaries that allow increased independence and maintain appropriate supervision for our older children; we're creating new routines as the youngest gent outgrows the need for the level of care required by an infant or young toddler. I know we'll find our way. We'll make mistakes and we'll want to tear out our hair and we'll drop some of the balls we've got flying in the air; we'll have our victories and successes and "Aha!" moments too. We'll create new routines and traditions, and old ones will fall away until one day we'll say, "Remember when we used to...?" I will look back on these days and think to myself, "Wasn't that wonderful?" I know this because despite the challenges and frustrations and anxieties I bump into from time to time, I think to myself today, every day, "Isn't this wonderful?" I love my life.

Life is good.

Hug your babies, big and small.