Saturday, March 24, 2007

In Which I Make a Phone Call, Part 2

This time, as opposed to the last time I made a phone call (in this post), I actually talk to a real live person. It usually goes something like this:

"I'm going to call my dear friend."--Look up dear friend's number--Pick up the phone in the kitchen--Dial the phone, wait for dear friend to answer--Notice how messy the counter has gotten-- start to tidy--try to decide what those little tiny things are, they look like parts to something but what could it be--then...

Dear friend answers her phone.
Someone starts screaming bloody murder from the other room because of a bumped head, a bumped elbow, or "He won't shaaaarre!"

"Hello, dear friend! It's me." I chirp, as I pick up the fine young gent, who's now screaming into my ear.

Dear friend says...something. "Hi, how are you?" I hope that's what she says anyway, though as often as I call, they probably say something like, "Who?"

I respond, "I'm fine, how are you?" as I frantically joggle the gent and try to shoosh him.

I think she says "I'm fine" back. I fervently hope so because I say, "Oh that's good to hear." (My apologies to my dear friends if I've ever chirped, "Wonderful!" after you told me that you hate your mother and your fish died and you got a flat tire and you're having a bad hair day.)

Gent stops crying and gets down to play because by now the extra-sensory-phone-alarm has gone off and his brothers have joined him in the kitchen to play "scream and fall down."

"I'm sorry, can you say that again?" I ask poor dear friend as I frantically make faces at the gents and shoo them out of the kitchen. What a fun game! Let's all make faces and flap our arms wildly, only they add shrieking.


I'm pretty sure that's not really what she said.

I send all of the boys into the office with their dad and I lock myself into the bathroom. "I am so sorry. The boys were really noisy, but now I can hear. What was that?"

Dear friend patiently repeats herself. We talk for a few minutes.

Banging on the bathroom door. "Mom? Mom, are you in there?" Lovely young lady, rather urgently.

"Excuse me please," I say to dear friend. "What do you need sweetheart?" I ask lovely young lady.

"I need to use the bathroom." (You'd think with four bathrooms in this house.....but she's scared of the upstairs bathrooms and won't use the gents' because that's the boys bathroom, Mom.)

I leave the bathroom, still chatting with dear friend. The other lovely lady walks up to me and starts talking. Dear friend is in the middle of an interesting story, so I raise my eyebrows and hold up my hand to say, just a minute. Lovely lady keeps talking. I turn away a bit. She moves in front of me, still talking. I realize that while I've been distracted by lovely lady dear friend has asked me a question. "Excuse me, please," I say to dear friend.

"Yes?" I say to lovely lady, trying not to sound impatient.

"I'm going to do my math now."

I close my eyes and count to ten. "Ok."

I start talking to dear friend. Lovely lady stands there. And stands there. "Do you need something, sweetie?"


She stands there.

"Why don't you go do your math, hon?"


Dear friend and I finish our chat.

After I hang up, I track down the ladies and gents and give a little mini-lecture on phone manners. Again. Please tell me that they will learn this eventually.

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