Tuesday Ten: House Rules

1. Be kind to one another. It's that simple.

2. Please don't golf in your soup. This goes on the long list of bizarre things I never in my life imagined I would have to say. Picture my dismay at the three gents who imagine anything round as a golf ball, and anything stick-ish as a club. When the oldest of the fine young gents was two-and-then-some he tried using his spoon to golf his peas out of his soup. Rule #2 applies to all of those weird "never-thought-I'd-have-to-say..." moments. ("Your brother's head is not a basketball" springs to mind, as does "Don't taste that!!" Boys.)

3. Oh, for heaven's sake. Just say "Excuse me," and move on. Everyone gets gas from time to time. You'd think the novelty would have worn off by now, but noooooooooooooooooo. Really, it's not as funny (or, alternately, as embarrassing) as you think.

4. No hitting. This includes kicking, pinching, poking, biting, pushing, bumping, and any other kind of physical contact with the intent to harm or bother.

4 1/2. For goodness sake, if I say "Don't hit your brother," you may not say "But Mom, I was just doing this." Particularly if it's followed by a demonstration. I'm not blind, nor am I confused. I saw it the first time, which is why I told you to stop. And along that line....

5. You may not say "But I was just...." I saw you. I already know what you're doing. I'm not blind, nor am I confused. I saw it the first time, which is why I told you to stop. There is no explanation that will make it ok that you are chasing the cat, sticking out your tongue at your sister, or showing your chewed food to your brother. I am also not inclined to believe that the true intent of that fist heading rapidly toward your brother's head was just a friendly pat on his hair.

6. Bleah. Stop picking your nose.

7. Close it, pick it up, turn it off, put it away. I am your mother, not your maid.

8. Just don't. I cannot possibly think of every little thing that your impish little imaginations can conceive. So, whatever it is, just don't.

9. Treat the other people in the family the way you'd like to be treated. Be kind. Be honest. Be fair. Be patient. Be respectful.

10. Love each other. You don't have to like one another every moment of the day. But find and nurture the love in your hearts for each other.

Cristy's Tuesday Ten House Rules.