They'll laugh at you. They'll remember and poke fun at you for the next twenty years. You may hear for the rest of your life about the weekend we all discovered you were lactose-intolerant, or the time when.... But there's no need to feel awkward, to be embarrassed, to wish to fall through the floor. You can just apologize, or not, and move on because your friends already know you fart. It's not a secret.
I spent this weekend with my dear friends. Our friendship has lasted for almost thirty years. We've been through a lot together: Marriages and divorces and careers and children and so many of the other tragedies and triumphs and challenges that life has to offer. But we've also been through the silly things. We've watched one another trip and fall on our rear ends. Misheard or misspoke to the hilarity of those around us. Goosed and been goosed. Forgotten toothbrushes, hairbrushes, keys, socks, and just about anything else that can be forgotten. Eaten fudge and cheese for dinner. Gotten lost or rained on. Scared by spiders. Scared by fake spiders. Scared by the scary waitress who brought me my "damn coffee" and insisted I order right now.
We've laughed together an awful lot. We love one another, farts and all.
So, dear reader, if you've got a friend in front of whom you cannot fart and be forgiven, gently teased, loved; if you have friends who would be shocked or offended by a fart, find new friends.
Dear friends, I love you and miss you.